I (Sort of) Apologize for The Eve of Shot Day
Let me just apologize right now for anyone who has spent any amount of time with me the day before shot day. Prior to starting HRT, I was never a very emotional person one way or the other. No crazy highs or shitty lows. Was never one to be angry.
And then I started testosterone.
That’s when this started happening:
- Take tonight: I was filling the ice cube tray to later satisfy my cravings for some chilled beverages. Like anyone who has ever took those 3 never-ending steps to the freezer, I spilled a few drops of water on the floor, and holy shit the world damn near ended.I then proceeded to step in the water that I knew damn well was there, and every single one of those 4 letter words came spewing out of my mouth.
- Or earlier, when a coworker of mine asked me if I had login information for an account, and in my mind I replied with “Jesus christ. I am busy and I don’t fucking have it”.
- Then there was that girl’s voice at the coffee shop this morning. Like, why are you talking? Do you hear what you sound like? Do the damn world a favor and just stop.
The instant blood boiling and heart racing makes complete sense physiologically – I’m completely altering the hormone levels in my body. I now officially know what it feels like to be a teenage boy. And if I’m being completely honest with you, I’m not entirely sorry. I embrace every single one of the side effects, anger included, because they’re happening in order to reveal the boy who has been trapped for 26 years.
They’ve made me a man.
So, if you have a date with me every second Monday or Tuesday, I (sort of) apologize in advance.